Issues...

I am currently planning to leave the group of "Fenner gang". Well, indecision has struck me for quite some time. I actually discussed this with Negk and concluded that I should leave. But then, a fellow among the group talked with me about these issues, he successfully convinced me to change my mind - shined some light on the relationship I have with the A ( badminton racket destroyed guy) and that maybe I just need more time to adapt.

But nothing stands the test of time, I just can't be myself in this gang (Is it worthy enough to be called as a gang? ). The relationship I have with them did not change it's course. It just stay that way through this one month period, and even gone worse at some point.

There are many issues that arises to cause the fault. With the first and main course is probably the relationship I have with A. A one of the main character in the group (Although he did not live in Fenner, yet ). He is by far one of the most talkative, out-spoken person I meet. This spread his influence wide and I guess it affected everyone. He still refuse to greet back against me when I run into him on Campus. And he actually wrote on his spaces (pointing that I am a source of his unhappiness). Oh crap, I think he did that purposely, there's no way he wasn't aware that I'm in his messenger list. He added me during the start of the semester.

Which is why I don't link blogs, MSN, Facebook together. It might be convenient for others to keep you on-track. But in the case of A, writing out unfavorable things like this not only deteriorate the relationship between me and him, but also influenced our friends....

I guess he wants me out badly...

Secondly, I guess it could be that we just have no common topic. They like to gossip (A being the main topic bringer) about how is their high school mates doing, how is things like in Johor. 90% of the time they are just gossiping (usually this isn't some good, positive rumors ). And the other 5% they might be discussing about Financial or Economics, as they study under those discipline. This means that I can give no input into the discussion. Which means I practically just sit there doing nothing while listening to their talks.

Well, there is nothing wrong with being quiet all the time. Those of you who know me well should know that, my personalities changed into a withdraw or self-isolated person whatever I came across a stranger. I will only be active with I'm with my close friends. Staying quiet all the time just doesn't make me feel that I belong here. Also, this could means that they are stranger to my unconsciousness?

Whats more...

Hmm, I never mention polarization in society to any of you guys right ?
Polarization ( is the uneven distribution of electrons - Chemistry).

In my experience, it is one of the greatest force that shape us. With the help of Polarization , people can shirt their abilities and talents easily.

An example would illustrate the idea better. Let's consider if a person do very well in a mathematical test in the start of the semester. Which leads to everyone recognizance of his talents, including himself. He will tend to continue his domination. His talents and self-confidence will be ever growing as others will consult him when they face difficulties in Mathematics. Giving him more experience in terms of exercise. Not to mention that teacher will shade light (pay more attention) to those who has done well.Vice-versa for the poor fellow those did not did well at first, Eventhough his talents might actually be higher than others. He and the others didn't thought so....

And, Polarization happens in a gang as well. In this case, the quiet person grow more quiet. And now I find myself rarely speak to other members in the gang other than dinner based topics. They tends to neglect me as well to continue their gossips...



That, is the cycle, I want to break ....